Nowadays, my thoughts seems to be in chaos. I feel that there’s something wrong with my life right now… Or maybe just missing… Whatever that is, I guess writing my thoughts here might help me clear the fog in my head.
Think Sarah! When did this chaotic feeling started?
If I think about it, I’d say that it started on the 3rd week of classes. Where I was all stressed up in academic works. Maybe the feeling that the things I do, which I do with all my best, sometimes doesn’t matter.. Sometimes I do not sleep for some acad works just to know the next day that the deadline would be moved.. Also there are times, specifically in group works, that I feel that only me and my other groupmate tend to do all the work. I’m not saying that my other groupmates don’t contribute even a percentage of work, but it feels that they don’t care .. It’s as if they’re expecting us to do all the work… And it doesn’t feel good. In fact, I hate it.
But if I think about it deeper, I don’t think that acad works and pressure are the only reason why I feel so down and out of energy nowadays. Also maybe because I tend to walk farther and farther away from God. I don’t know, but I tend to not do my ministry as a Sunday School Teacher well. I don’t come there to teach as prepared as before anymore. I just go there, open the story book on whichever page, and let them do things that just came in from my mind. Personally, I also think my relationship with him is weakening.. I don’t talk to him as closely as before.. I miss that feeling when I am younger and so in love with Jesus.. Everything’s perfectly well.. But I know that I can still restore that. I’ll do my best to be in his grace again. I know I can.
What else runs in your mind Sarah?
My personal style also baffles my mind. I mean, I do not know what my style really is because I just tend to wear what I feel like wearing. Sometimes it’s more teenager-like, sometimes more of a girly-feminine-like, sometimes its tomboyish, sometimes its weird and unusual, sometimes it’s trendy, sometimes it’s vintage, and a handful of other things. I personally think of myself as a fashion “Ditto”. (Ditto- the pokemon who can morph itself into whatever it wants to morph into).
Although, maybe it is just hard for us to see what our own style is, so I asked my friends what comes to their mind when I ask them what my fashion style is. Elena, a classmate since Grade 1 till now, said “laces and flowy clothes”. Trixia, a roommate and friends since high school, said “vintage and weird”. And they both agreed that I wear clothes in layers. Well, if you think about it, I do like wearing vintage clothes with laces and everything, and ‘weird’ (in other’s POV) is also understandable because I don’t want to be that common, so I layer or mix-and-match things up. How will I describe my style in one word then? Vintage? Mix-and-match? I still can’t decide.
Unclear and Confused,